


One kind of an idiot

by AnimeRuinedMiLife



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, One Shot, Pizza, Work, a lot of pizza, jeanxeren - Freeform, mention of Erwin Smith - Freeform, mention of mikasa - Freeform, waiters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-01 16:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2780666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeRuinedMiLife/pseuds/AnimeRuinedMiLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean and Eren had promised themselves to not to see each other after what happened on the last day of highschool.<br/>Eight years had passed since that day. And neither Jean and Eren had deal with it. They keep it under the rug, and continued with their own lives.<br/>Now, they both in college, how would things go after all this time? How would both react if they see each other again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	One kind of an idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, Hola, Aloha, Kon'nichiwa, I came back (not the way I expected it, but anyways) and with another freacking JeanxEren (fuuuck) it's a birthday present (yeah, for the same friendo I did the other JeanxEren) and, beside that, this is a special fic. Why? you may ask, well, it's a collab that I made with Natsukikocchi (ufortunatelly, she doesn't have an ao3, but she have a [FF](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4386811/Natsukikocchi) acount, she also only writes in spanish tho...) we both decided spend at least a week of our lives writing this, it worth it? That will be judged by you (but yeah, it worth it)
> 
> It's also a double POV fic, it's going to rotate between Eren's (little monster) and Jean's (me) starting with Eren's
> 
> Well, I leave you here, take your seats, turn off your phones (unless you're reading it on your phone, then don't turn it off) and enjoy the fic, I'll see you in the end notes.

I heard the alarm like every morning, but, this time it sounded louder. The first thought that crossed my mind was suicide. It was already seven? I could swear that just five minutes ago I had gone to sleep. That tired I felt.

I had fallen of tiredness about two in the morning, after finish my presentation of numerical series for calculus class. Leaving things to the last minute was the worst thing I could do as a college student, I knew, but responsibility is not truly my forte.

After spending all day in college, I had found myself up against a double shift at the pizzeria. Thanks for the new one who had done me the favor of getting sick just that damn day. It wasn't surprising that I had no time to complete the stupid presentation. I wish someone would burn down the department so I could continue sleeping. No worries or presentation that worth the 30 percent of the subject. But no, sir, there I was. Taking a bath with all the laziness and slowness that five indecent minutes allowed me.

Not that I was complaining about my life, or my work. No, actually it wasn't that unpleasant. I worked attending people, smiled a lot and, the best part: I earned extra money that, in college, could save asses. Being a waiter could be tiring sometimes, especially with the latest trend to lack of staff. At least my boss had hired a new cashier. It was the last straw that the idiot had missed his first day of work...

_Ok. No more cursing._

Today I would have a positive attitude, luck will accompany me. I expected not to spoil it in calculus class. I took the keys and gave one last look at my messy apartment. Should I call Mikasa to help me cleaning it up?

That would be pathetic, honestly. Maybe I bottomed. Maybe I should hurry cause in ten minutes I am not going to make a half-hour walk to college.

I was fucked. Pretty much to be only seven fifty in the morning.

* * *

Seven o'clock.

Another day I would like to have woken up dead.

A headache, stuffy nose, watery eyes, throat of the size of a ping pong ball (I don't like to exaggerate) prevented me of an adequate rest overnight. I wonder if I even slept more than ten minutes before waking up coughing like a maniac.

My stupid immune system didn't do his damn job right, just when I had finally called to confirm my new contract at the pizzeria. Luckily, they are so lack of staff that I was "forgiven" with the proviso that I would attend tomorrow.

Although I would have preferred something where I did not have too much contact with, ugh, people. Like a graveyard, which they said I was too young to work there, fuck.

I earn a pittance, but it's necessary, work always is. Especially if it is to buy materials for the models I need to do for college. Which are equivalent to more than 30 percent of the total grade. Anyone who says that architecture will make it easy for your ability to draw is a damn liar. I regret to have underestimated this race. However, I don't regret having chosen it.

I'm not complaining, eh, no, I would never. Jean Kirschtein doesn't know the meaning of that word, although I am very close to doing it with this damn cold.

I don't even care how pathetic it sounds when I say I would like to have my mother here to look after me while I sink into my misery.

Seven fifty in the morning and I had bottomed out in a sea of used tissues.

* * *

Perhaps the presentation had not gone too bad. After arriving late, the teacher let me in with the condition of exposing first. In my opinion, that was the worst that could happen to a student. The teacher had good expectations and you were going to be the first one who disappointed him.

So I was between a rock and a hard place. But was not worse to have a zero, anyway? I didn't think about too much before giving an affirmative answer. Shame came later, exactly five slides later.

There were some errors in the examples that even I could notice it in just a moment. This only happens to me. Perhaps the coffee was no longer doing the same effect on me. Maybe I should try something else, something that would avoid committing stupid mistakes like these preparing a power point at one in the morning.

I breathed deeply before deciding that it should continue with the presentation. Just then, an idea popped into my mind. I coughed a bit before continuing.

—As you may have noticed, some of these examples are developed in the wrong way— said, with the most serious voice I have ever used—the point is that you will detect these errors. Does anyone have noticed yet?

I ran a nervous glance at the classroom, waiting for this idea to work. Maybe the teacher did not put me a zero and be generous to give me a one. Anything was better than a zero.

—In the third one...

I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard a voice from the back of the room. Perhaps I won't have a 10, but hey, eight in the morning, I was presenting a mediocre project, and I don't want to push my luck. I have to work after lunch. It was going to be another long day.

* * *

 

The pleasure of breathing through your, almost completely free of nasal mucosa, nostrils was delightful. The sweet smell of coffee and high egos was a characteristic combination of my college, especially those who come from well-heeled families, like mine.

At three in the afternoon, after a long day of presentations of models, that, whether by luck or simply friendly teacher for my convalescence, I should show the following class, which gave me enough time to buy the missing materials and finish it, I went to my new job.

It was a good day.

_Too good._

When I crossed the door of the pizzeria, I knew, from the moment I slipped on a puddle of soda, that something was wrong.

I went to the counter where a guy with brown hair, his back to me was, apparently, talking to the cook for one of the orders.

—Excuse me—I said somewhat shy, even somewhat congested—I'm ... I'm the new guy.

—You finally came—said a familiar voice before the guy turn around to me and clarify my momentary doubt.

—You got to be kidding—I said to see that it was my 'enemy' of high school.

He looked at me with a look of surprise and disgust when he recognized that he was sure he could also be seen on my face.

_Perfect._

 

I would have applied to the job of telephone operator in the center of town if I had known that Eren, fucking, Jaegüer worked at the same stupid pizzeria.

* * *

 

I left the college in a good time. Luckily, half of the effort was done. Now the only thing left was going to work and do my duty. Then spend the rest of the afternoon wandering and recovering my energy. Maybe I'll call Armin to eat something. Yes, this day was clearly improving.

I entered to the pizzeria through the side door, destined to employees. I changed to my uniform with some laziness left from the morning. I had already signed my ticket six minutes early, so I didn't have to hurry. I closed my locker and headed for the kitchen.

—Hi, Connie. How you doing?-I said as I ran my eyes to Reiner, who was taking the last orders. There were two minutes for our duty change.

—Are you asking for the pizza or for me?-he asked without taking his eyes from the oven.

—Both—I said as Reiner entered the kitchen.

—A long size vegetarian and a single Italian. Two order of fries for the long size one.

Reiner offered me the role of orders with a smile.

—Hello, Eren.

—Hello, Rei-

—Excuse me—I heard when I was interrupted-I'm…I'm the new guy

I turned containing a chill. That voice...

My face was completely transformed when I saw that guy face to face.

—You got to be kidding— he said confirming my fears. He had also recognized me.

So the new guy was Jean, the bastard, Kirschtein? I honestly would rather do a thousand of shifts before being a partner of him.

I growled in frustration.

—Do you know each other? —Connie asked really confused

—It's a long story-Reiner laughed. The fucker was our friend in high school, so he knew all about our "beautiful" relationship.

—It had to happen to me—I whispered taking a hand to my forehead, feeling a sudden tiredness.

—Huh?! Did you say something, Jaegüer?

_Here we go again._

—Well, I am the waiter and you will be working with me now. So I hope you do your job well.

Jean smirked.

—Do not worry about it.

— Well, then I leave. I hope you enjoy your time—Reiner scoffed, saying goodbye after disappearing to the dressing room.

—So ... —I began, drawing the attention of Jean—go change. You locker should already be marked with your name.

—All right—he replied simply.

—An Italian—commented Connie from the frying pan —you serve the sodas?

I nodded, heading towards the machine. Perhaps this day would not be so good after all.

* * *

I followed Reiner towards the dressing room, getting mentally ready, because I knew the fucker will remember the many fights I had with Jaegüer during high school.

I searched my locker as I felt Reiner's eyes boring into my back.

—You're gonna start now—I said pulling my shirt off to put on the pizzeria's — or you're going to wait till I'm fully dress?

He laughed before I turned around to see that he was already on his normal clothes.

—How have you been Jean? — He said with a smile— I haven't seen you in, what, a year?

—Although we kept talking— I said fixing my hair before covering it with a stupid hairnet and cap with a large drawing of a pizza in it.

—Exactly. Why did not you tell me you were working here? — He said tapping my shoulder.

—I told you I would work in a pizzeria— I replied closing the locker— I didn't think it was necessary to tell you which.

—Well— he said with a sigh before returning to his stupid smile—what will you do with Eren then?

—Are you suggesting me to throw him in the potato's oil? —I said thoughtfully—No, I'm just going ignore him until I have enough money and get out of here.

—Do you think you can ignore him knowing what happened in high school? —he said suggestively.

—You swore you'll never mention that— I said before pointing at the clock— I better get out now before the fucker begins to mourn because I take long. So let's leave it at no-more-Jaegüer, okay?

— We'll see— he said walking to the door— it was a pleasure to see you, Kirschtein.

—Bye Braun—I smiled slightly.

I managed to evade Jaegüer all afternoon, luckily I wasn't totally alone with him, there was Connie, and the dwarf was not as annoying as I thought it would be when I heard his voice also cooked one of the best pizzas in the district.

Being cashier wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, except for those who were arrogant, or acting as if they own the place.

_Hey, start to work and stop fucking others._

At eight in the afternoon, at the end of the day and when the pizzeria was closing, I headed to the dressing room to take my shirt, with the delicious smell of cheese and oil, off of my body.

Fucking Jaegüer was there, looking at his locker. I ignored him and opened my own locker which was, conveniently, right in front of his.

—What are you doing here? —he said when I was shirtless in front of my locker

—Changing my shirt, as if it were not obvious—I said over my shoulder, to notice that he was shirtless too, I could see the muscles in his back tighten.

—Why here? — He said turning around — I thought we agreed not to see each other again ... after  _that_.

—You think I planned this? —facing him when I said it, stepping toward—I need the money, Jaegüer.

—Why do not you ask your parents? —he said frowning.

—Because, unlike you, I don't feel comfortable depending of my parents— I said, closing the distance between us. For when I noticed that our faces were too close, it was too late.

— Mother Fu—he managed to say before Connie made his entrance to the dressing rooms.

— Uh— Connie said, stammered—I'm interrupting something?

I looked around and noticed that both, Eren and I were bare-chested, pretty close to each other.

—Nothing— I said putting my shirt on and quickly hanging my bag on my shoulder—I'm out, see you tomorrow Connie.

I got out of there as fast as I could. I put my headphones and walked to the bus stop.

_Great day. Just, perfect._

* * *

I heard Jean took his things and left, slamming the dressing room door, into the street. I pulled out my cell phone when I felt it vibrate in my pocket. Maybe Armin had already answered my message.

—Wow... —Connie said opening his locker — your relationship seems... intense.

I throw him a dead glance instantly. He winced, suddenly dropping his shirt with fright.

—Sorry, sorry...

I let out a sigh before restarting my phone in my pocket.

— It just that we don't get along too well. We always were fighting in high school.

— I see. But he's your friend, right?

I thought for a moment before answering.

— Why do you ask?

— I do not know, it seemed like it— he said simply, shrugging.

— Well ... I don't know actually — I said lowering my voice again, sinking into my thoughts. What was Jean to me?

The metal made his characteristic noise when Connie closed her locker beside me.

—See ya, Eren. Take Care.

—Ah, thanks, you too— I replied with a smile— greets Sasha from me.

—Ah-huh ... yeah— he smiled, a little embarrassed, one hand on his neck.

I took my bag pack and finished arranging my things. I felt my cell phone moving against my leg while I was walking. I quickened my pace. Armin was on his way to my apartment.

                                                                 ~ O ~

I served the pizza onto two plates, already knowing exactly how many slices each of us would eat

— Do I serve the drinks? —Armin asked, already pulling the glasses off the upper shelf

—Yes, please—I said with a smile.

He went to the table with the glasses while I was with the plates.

—I heard you saw Jean in your work— Armin said with a smile as he cut a piece of pizza, he sounded as if he was trying to downplay what he had said.

Ruin my mood was easy these days, apparently.

—Well, the news spread quickly— I said wryly. Reiner was an accursed— now, who told you?

—Don't ask me as if you didn't already knew... —he commented taking a bite of his pizza—So how did it go?

—Great, awesome.

Armin raised an eyebrow.

— I see. I'll change my question... How do you feel about it?

Armin was smart. And keen. That's why it was so fucked up to be his friend. I put the glass of coke on the table, feeling suddenly a little offended.

—Damn it, Armin. Jean Kirschtein is a jerk, the biggest one. It is the last person I wanted to see again, and you're wondering how I feel about it? Well, I feel I could throw myself off a bridge. Or maybe you could just shoot me. Anything is better than see him and his stupid smile again.

—I know it must be difficult. After all he...

_Don't say it._

— He li-

—Don't say it, Armin, please—I asked.

I was probably pathetic at this time. But it wasn't as if things were going to improve anytime soon.

* * *

The first week working at the pizzeria with Eren could only be described by one word:  _hell._

Although, it could have been worse if it wasn't for Connie, the guy was crazy, I didn't understand most of the things he told me, but when it came to distract me from Eren, he was the best.

Or rather, most of the time he was.

He constantly comes to me between breaks to ask me about my "relationship" with Eren, which, in case you hadn't noticed, was null

On Friday, while we ate in the staff room, was not the exception.

— Please— he said stretching his arms on the table.

—How many times do I have to tell you no? —I said giving a bite to my sandwich.

—Come on!— he said—that bastard of Reiner says nothing, much less Eren, I'm the only one here who doesn't know what happened between you two.

—I'm sure not know what happened will not kill you—I said smiling to see how desperate he was—Believe me, you're better like this.

He rested his chin on the table, pouting and then look me in the eyes and relaxed his expression.

—You're right— he said stretching, smiling as if he had heard a good joke— is not like you have been together or something.

I choked on my drink and I started coughing like a maniac

—Wait— he said freezing in his position—you two-

—Aahh! — I yelled over his voice, getting up from the chair and starting to walk—our break already finished, come on.

— Hey, Jean! — I heard him yell from the staff room.

I could avoid his questions during the rest of the afternoon, telling him the orders and then ignoring him completely. At checkout, I changed my shirt as fast as I could and got out of there before Connie entered the dressing rooms.

_It is not the best way, I know._

My weekend was: sleep, eat, sleep, finish work, and sleep.

I was exhausted. My head was full price, ingredients and a variety of drinks. And it was only the first week.

Monday, the day I'd like to erase from my memory and Eren. First day of the week, a storm, were good reasons to not to get out of bed and apparently all customers did that. Luckily, Erwin, the manager, was considered and allowed us to close earlier, an hour before the normal closer. Thanks blond giant.

As I opened my locker, after saying goodbye to Connie, who had apparently forgotten what happened on Friday, I could hear the television that was in the staff room.

All the streets were closed because of the snow.

_Fuck._

I looked out the window and watched the streets began to dye the white snow.

_Seriously? Why I'm not hit by a lighting to end with this._

_I could call Connie, he has a car._

I pulled out my cell phone from my jacket pocket and dialed to my bald friend.

_"The number you have dialed is off, or is temporarily out of the service area ..."_

Of course, all lines are now occupied because of the stupid snow.

— Uugh— I complained after shut my locker and put my head on the door.

I felt someone walking toward me before stopping completely. I looked sideways. There was Eren.

—What is the matter with you? — fucking Jaegüer said with his head bent over his shoulder.

I noticed he had an umbrella on his hand and had a cap covering his hair, what made him look ... ridiculous.

—Oh nothing— I said sarcastically, my forehead against the cold-metal—besides the fact that I have to stay here until tomorrow thanks to the damn storm that now, apparently, is snow.

He looked toward the window that was behind me, yes, it was snowing. He was looking at me for a long moment, as if he doubted something.

—Why do not you go now, Jaegüer? —I said straightening, making our little difference in stature noticeable—you're lucky to live near here.

— If you do not have to go ... you can come with me— he said in a whisper, looking down to the floor.

My whole body tensed after look at him to the eyes, I noticed some blush on his cheeks, but may have been the cold.

—What?

* * *

My breath became mist when I took a deep breath. I lowered my cap further, trying to protect my ears from the snow. I rubbed my hands, but the cold air made it impossible to stop shivering. I had always been a person who hated the cold. I couldn't stand it. It made me feel weak, and tired.

I looked to my side, watching as Jean walked with heaviness in the same direction. I had no choice. It was this, or stay in the dressing rooms. I guess it wouldn't be nice to die of cold in there.

— How much longer are we going to keep walking? —He asked under his jacket, which had buried half face.

— Two minutes. I replied with annoyance.

There was a brief pause before he started to claim again.

—You said that…two minutes ago, Jaegüer.

—Lots of snow, I disoriented for a second. So do me a favor and stop being so stupid, Kirschtein. Unless—I snapped—you want to sleep in the snow, of course.

—As if spend the night with you was so delightful—he snapped back

I ignored his comment, removing the keys from the pocket of my coat to open the gate. I could already imagine the hot tub and a nice cup of chocolate

—This does not have an elevator? — He asked as we climbed the stairs.

—No ... I do not like elevators—I said, a little unsure.

— You fear them? You're a fag, Eren—he immediately scoffed.

I stopped my track, frozen by his comment

— Really, Jean? —I turned to look at him face to face for some steps above— that's the best you got?

He seemed a little surprised, or perhaps embarrassed. My heart beat a little faster when I noticed the blush on his cheeks.

It's the cold, Eren. It has nothing to do with you.

I walked a few steps more until finally find the door of my apartment on the seventh floor. Jean's heavy breathing didn't wait.

— Too much to you? —I asked, with a smile entering to the apartment, without giving him time to respond—I prepared hot chocolate, so then you can take a shower if you want

Jean seemed to come to life as he removed his coat. The temperature was quite nice in here.

I filled the kettle with water, turning it on as I pulled the mugs off the shelves.

— Your department is not so terrible after all. Good job—Jean said as he sat down and left his backpack with him— it seems habitable.

—Oh, well thank you very much. It is best that I can pay with a common salary, you know, my family don't have money to throw up.

He just gave me a wry smile as he stood from the couch and walked toward the kitchen. He looked at me up and down and stroked the edge of my vest to discover that underneath it, was another. I blushed slightly at him so close.

—Really? How many layers of clothing are wearing? Four? —he asked, pulling a funny face.

—Five, if we count the shirt— I clarify

—You're nuts, Jaegüer—he said, smiling.

—No more than you, idiot.

His smile spread more. He grabbed my head and made me a bump on the head above the cap. I tried to shake it off, but the jerk was strong. He laughed as I settled my clothes. This was like going back to being fifteen, to be honest.

— It's true—he said, surprising.

—... what?

The kettle began to make its characteristic sound and the little light went off, indicating that the water was ready.

—What it feels...Never mind—he said, as she took one of the two cups I served.

He looked out the window absently, stirring the liquid of the mug with his spoon.

—I hate snow.

— Me too— I added, bringing the mug to my lips.

I savored the hot chocolate, letting it warm me slowly. It reminded me of my childhood when my mom gave us Mikasa and I hot chocolate on cold winter evenings, after arriving at school.

Jean left its mug on the table, pulling me from my reverie.

—So, where's the bathroom?

I put my own mug beside his and walked down the hall to my room, opening the bathroom door for him to pass.

—Hmm ... thanks.

I froze in the middle of the way to the kitchen.

— What did you say? —I asked, genuinely surprised.

He just looked at me more flushed than he already was. He moved a little, and lowered my cap to cover half of my face with it.

—That's not funny—I said with a pout as I returned to accommodate it.

A faint smile greeted me on the other side.

—Yes it is. Especially for your stupid face— he said with a half smile.

I let out the air I didn't know I was holding as noticed how close we were.

_Seriously...What is happening?_

I searched his eyes, trying to evaluate him, while his honey eyes rested on mine. I felt the beating of my heart. My whole body was screaming that I wanted to kiss him.

_But you can't. He will hate you._

His forehead came to mine. His face was incredibly warm.

A muffled sigh escaped my throat when, of a sudden, Jean took me by the shoulders and pulled my face to his.

His lips were moist, warm. I felt how my whole body melted.

My hands settled around his neck while we deepened the contact. His tongue touched my lips, moistening them. It felt so good that I couldn't help but feel that happiness was too overwhelming.

I opened my eyes when Jean suddenly broke contact, pulling away violently. His gaze seemed lost...

When I looked at him, he looked down immediately.

—Jean...

— Forget all this.

_He hates you, Eren. He always has._

— Why, Jean?

— Just ... Just forget it.

There was a few seconds after Jean pulled me away, to go out quickly down the hall.

—Jean, sorry, please stay—I asked, beginning to feel a pain in my chest.

But Jean didn't look back. He quickly left the apartment, closing with a bang, regardless of my words. Just like eight years ago.

I stared for another minute the door, as if suddenly he were to return. It wasn't until I realized what had happened I fell on the weight of my legs, hugging them, while my head sank on his knees. Tears began to wet my cheeks and my shirt before I realized that I was crying.

 _Aahh, it was really pathetic_.

* * *

The stairs seemed to be longer, despite the fact that I was running, it was like they wasn't going to end, like I wouldn't be able to escape of what just happened.

_What the hell was I thinking?_

It was this exactly what forced me not see him more after high school. I could feel the cold on my cheeks and lips that still had the taste of Eren, sweet and smooth as chocolate...

Aahg. No. I'm not going to pass through this shit again.

I kept running until I noticed the, almost total, darkness that took possession of the street.

Heavy breathing, scratchy throat, my nose and hands were red. I had forgotten my gloves and scarf at Eren's

_Perfect._

I walked. It was all I could do. Waiting to Eren to appear and take me to his apartment to greet me with a hot chocolate was ridiculous and caused a strange pain in the chest.

_Well done Jean, you ruined your only chance to survive tonight._

As I walked, a small, and snowed, park appeared before my eyes, illuminated by some light poles. I went right to the swings.

Childish? Maybe, Do I care? Absolutely no.

After checking it'll bear my weight, I sat on the swing and started to sway slightly. I don't know exactly how, but whenever I sat in one of these, somehow, I managed to clear my mind of my concerns.

But now my problems were bigger than a scraped knee or a fight with a friend. Eren, fucking, Jaegüer was my problem, or the cause of these.

I still don't understand why it was a fucking problem enjoy that idiot's kisses, just... it was. Perhaps my pride or my hatred for him was what compelled me to want to stay away from Eren.

_Uugh._

I put my face in my frozen and rough hands, expelling all the air that my lungs were holding for who knows for how long, and stood still. I'm a mess, one that will freeze if I don't find a place to go.

I looked up and saw a sign with the name of the street right in the corner of the park. I courage to stand up and walked towards it.

_No more than three streets away from here is Reiner's place._

I doubted, if asked to stay, he would start questioning everything and all will end with how my lips collide with Jaegüer's. Either that or die frozen in that bench. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I could see the time, twenty past ten p.m...

I took a deep breath and I sent a message to Reiner, I was not in the condition to talk to him, I preferred to be in my normal temperature while being interrogated.

**Hey Reiner, can I go to your place? I'll explain later.**

It took a while to him to answer, apparently the lines were not crowded by people calling their relatives for the snow anymore. To be honest, I felt somewhat relieved when he replied. At least I won't die today.

**You better be a good explanation.**

_Translation: yes_

Walking those three streets helped me to think of some excuse to tell Reiner. The pizzeria, in a normal situation, had closed two hours ago. And I was not willing to tell him that one of those hours I spent pathetically in a children's park.

I arrived at the entrance of the Braun's residence, my muscles tensed when I hear the crunch door after touching the bell. Before he could say anything, he dragged me by the arm inward, effortlessly. Cold made me weak.

—Are you nuts? —he said, closing the door behind him—what were you doing out at this hour and with this weather? Do you want to die?

_It would be nice, actually._

—I'm sorry— I replied—the buses were suspended and had nowhere to go.

—The shift ended two hours ago—he glanced at his watch—why did not you come before?

—I was ... walking—I stammered, shrugging after receiving a hit on the neck.

— I said I wanted a good explanation—he claim, crossing his arms—Now, come on in, I'll give you something hot, I don't want you to die of hypothermia for you imbecility.

—Thanks, Reiner—I whispered.

—Don't thank me—he said handing me a blanket and a mug with, of course, hot chocolate—just tell me what happened to you.

I took a deep breath and began to talk like a parrot, I told him everything that happened in Eren's apartment, not worth saving anything, somehow the bastard was going to find out anyway.

— That means—he sighed...disappointed? — You did the same thing you did eight years ago. Kirschtein, what's your fucking problem?

—I don't know—I growled, putting my face in my hands—I don't know.

— It's so bad for you to be, you know…gay? —He asked seriously.

—No! — I said looking up to meet his frown— you know that that doesn't bother me, but...Why Jaegüer?

— And why not? — He responded, getting up, taking the mug from my hand, he was in front of me—Look Jean, if I say this to you right in the face, it's because you're a great friend: You're a fucking coward.

I raised my eyebrows and looked him straight in the eye.

Actually I was surprised that he didn't occupy an insult to describe me. At that time, I truly felt that I deserved them all.

—After eight years—he continued— you behaved like a fifteen year old boy again, frightened by something that really has nothing wrong.

With that, Reiner started walking toward the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway, turning to me.

—Sleep well— he said to turn the light off and leave me in the dark.

I rested my head on the arm of the sofa, my hair was still something wet snow that had fallen on me, and I covered myself with the blanket that Reiner had happened.

_Probably coward is the correct word, but what I'm afraid of? I mean, my true friends, as Reiner, or Connie, that despite the short time of meeting him was a great guy, will not going to judge me by something as simple as I like Jaegüer._

_My parents, they only care that I finish college and earn money, nothing more._

_What makes me hate Eren?_

I slept with that thought in mind.

The next day, upon awakening, stuffy nose and watery eyes told me that the cold of the first week of working had returned in glory. Reiner decided it would be a good idea to take me home instead of to college. The classes were suspended by snow anyway.

I rested my head on the car window, watching the snow fall me away from reality. At some point we passed the departments where Eren lived, a jumble in my stomach that forced me to close my eyes hard.

_I'm fucked up, really fucked up._

* * *

When I woke up the next day, I could feel all the tiredness in my cramped muscles. I was lying on the couch, pathetically hugged to a pillow. I felt the phone vibrate in the back pocket of my jeans. I sat up slowly, pulling me cell to see the hour.

My eyes closed immediately before the light intensity. The headache was immediate.

_Two in the afternoon_

I got up from the couch heavily. Jean's scarf and gloves were still on the table, making me remember everything. I felt like my stomach was churning at them. There were twenty messages of Armin and Mikasa, and a few missed calls. Wow, this could not be better.

I went to the kitchen to make something hot. I was dying of cold. I looked guiltily to the chocolate's packaging. The desire to mourn reached me back to remember the taste of Jean's lips. It had been eight years and he still was the same pathetic high school kid.

The phone began to vibrate in kitchen table, interrupting my thoughts. I looked at the screen with heaviness, another seconds have to pass before deciding to answer.

— Eren? — I heard a concerned Armin's voice in the other line

— Armin — I answered simply.

— What happened? Mikasa said you didn't go to college and you didn't answer her messages. We were worried.

—Sorry — I said after a few seconds.

—Are you home? — He asked with a sigh.

— Yes.

— I'm coming— he said.

— No, Armin...

But it was too late. The bastard had hung up me. Now he'll come over here and he would know what had happened. Why did I have such a smart friend who could read me like a fucking open book?

I sighed mournfully, turning off the kettle, without managing to make another move. I sat on the floor with my arms around my knees for another half hour before Armin open the door with the set of keys he had.

—Eren? —he asked when he saw me sitting on the kitchen floor.

I raised my head slowly. Probably I looked miserable

— Come on. Let's go to your room—He said, offering me his hand. I held it without even thinking. Armin was always there when I needed him.

— You're cold— he affirmed, as he led me into the room—Put your pajamas on while I make some hot chocolate.

—No! —I said immediately, causing him to turn towards me— No ... I don't want chocolate, thanks. A tea would be nice.

— A tea then, got it —answered, without question.

I started to undress myself and put on my pajamas before throw myself to the bed, defeated.

— Under the bed sheets Eren — Armin scolded upon entering the room. I replied with a whimper as he opened the covers and I was buried under them, stomach in bed.

I felt like Armin lay down beside me, and I turned to lie on my side, like him, face to face.

—So…what happened?

There was silence until I realized he probably already had an idea of what had happened.

—Jean happened—I said with frustration and not eager to talk.

—What happened to Jean? —He asked softly, not wanting to pressure me.

I remembered everything. I felt again my eyes became watery.

_Oh no, Eren. Is not enough to you to cry like a baby, but now you also are involving Armin._

Before I could proceed mentally cursing myself, thin, warm arms wrapped me in a hug. I felt tears starting to go my cheeks, moistening.

—Is the same, Armin. I'm still a damn fool in love with a big jerk.

I knew he would be there for me. His embrace seemed to tell me I could shout, or cry and he still be here to listen.

—We kissed—I continued—we kissed, and I liked it and I thought I would die of happiness there. But Jean hates me. I hated me then and he hates me now. I disgust him, Armin. I'm sure he doesn't want to see me anymore.

—But why do you think he kissed you, Eren?

— I ... don't know — I admitted, confused—but when I looked him after the kiss...he seemed hurt and guilty. He looked like he had done something very bad.

— And you feel guilty for having enjoyed the kiss and have caused Jean felt that way, right? —He asked, taking my shoulders while looking into my eyes—that was a decision made by you two, Eren, you didn't force that kiss. And if he kissed you back it's because he has feelings for you, right?

Of course, Armin's words made me feel as if my own deductions lacked logic to compare his. Besides, it made me feel more calmed with myself. After all, I hadn't the entire fault.

—Now, drink some tea and go to sleep. To be honest, you look terrible—He taunted.

I stuck my tongue out as I took the mug, feigning outrage over his words. He just laughed.

—Thanks, Armin— I said with a smile, without taking my eyes off the tea.

He squeezed my hand before he get into bed and begin to settle.

—Hey! —I claimed, letting out a small laugh.

—What? You made me get out of college. I think at least I deserve a nap

— Lazy ass.

—You wouldn't say if you spend all night because you were too worried by someone who didn't answer his phone.

I laughed a little embarrassed.

— I was tired.

But Armin had already fallen asleep.

I sighed. I was better, but the pain at the thought of Jean was still on the back of my head. I guess I wouldn't be able of drink chocolate for a while.

                                                                      ~ O ~

The days passed before I decided to rejoin society. I had called work telling that I'll miss a few days due to some medical complications. Erwin Smith, my boss, was quite sympathetic about it. However, I could not repay their kindness, I was already decided: I'll quit this job.

The thought of seeing Jean put me the willies.

So that Thursday, with all the strength I had been able to recover these days, I went to the pizzeria one hour before Jean's duty began, just to be sure.

— Eren! —Connie shout, surprised to see me, neglecting for a moment the dough for the new pizza—how have you been? The boss said you'd be gone for a few days.

I replied with a smile, noticing his obvious concern.

— I was a little sick, but I'm better now...

Before he could continue, I listened as Reiner came and greeted me, surprised to see me too.

—Hi, Eren— he said offering my his hand

— Hi, Reiner. How's everything going?

He grimaced at the question.

—A little complicated. We really miss you.

I assumed that my guilty expression would betray me, but apparently that wasn't necessary.

— Armin told me you're going to quit. Is it true?

—That little loudmouth—I whispered, frustrated. I could no longer hide it, anyway.

—Is ... is because of Jean? —He asked, unsteadily—Listen, Eren, I know he was a jerk, but quit because of that is...

—Is what, Reiner? —I interrupted, giving an acidic gaze—because if you know he was a jerk, you should understand it. Neither Jean nor I want...

— Neither Jean nor you? —he said, putting a hand on my shoulder—since when you're so sure of what he feels?

—Since he kissed me before ran out of my apartment, Reiner—I replied coldly—since he decided it would be fun to play with me, since he is a coward, always, Reiner...Always.

Then, I removed his hand from my shoulder and headed to the administration office. Behind me I could hear as Connie began to ask questions to Reiner about what had just said.

_Wow, I fucked up again._

* * *

— Reiner— I whispered—I'm in the middle of a class, I can't...

—Shut up and listen, okay? —he said on the other side of the line, totally serious—Eren quitted

— What?—I said opening my eyes completely—When?

— He's talking to Erwin now, you have to do something Kirschtein, you can't let him do that because you two are too idiots to admit you're crazy about each other.

— What do you suggest me to do? — I told him to the phone, frustrated—you want to go to the pizzeria and try to convince him to stay with me?...Yeah, I don't think he wants that.

—Okay Kirschtein—he hissed—you better be on Eren's front door when he gets home, otherwise you'll have to undergo surgery to remove my boot off your ass.

And he hung up.

_Fuck._

I got up from my seat and kept without much finesse, all my belongings in my backpack, earning the look of all my colleagues. I excused with the teacher, but he just gave me a death glare, not that I minded. I had already showed my model a couple of days ago, anyway.

I ran to the bus stop that was a couple of blocks from the college, I had to take the same bus that I took to reach the pizzeria. Hopefully one would be there waiting to leave. The snow had melted almost completely from the streets and buses had returned to their normal route.

I took the bus after five long minutes of waiting. What I didn't remembered was that, at that hour, half hour before I started my shift, coincidentally was the time when a big part of the city go out of work to eat.

On a normal day I wouldn't not care, in fact it was almost pleasant stay a while and arrive late to work blaming the public transportation, but not now. No, now needed to get before I lose him.

_I hadn't realized how afraid I felt by the thought of losing him._

Can this be? That irrational fear I felt when I kissed Eren almost a week ago and eight years ago, may have been this fear of him to disappear of my life and, to avoid that, I walked away from him.

_I'm an asshole._

I rang the bell of the bus as many times it was almost a favor for other passengers when the driver opened the door, although it wasn't an unauthorized stop.

I put my backpack straps on my shoulders and started running through the wet streets of the city toward the apartment of the guy who had my heart and brain nuts. There were at least ten minutes I had to run to get there in time. I was ready to run the double long just to ask Eren to forgive me.

_When that idiot became so important to me?_

I could feel a vibration in my pocket when there were about two blocks to Eren's departments building. I stopped, my breathing was hard and my legs were cramped. If it ever happen you to run to catch someone to admit that you've been a jerk, stretch your muscles, will thank you later.

I looked at the screen of my phone and saw it was a message from Reiner.

**Eren just left, remember: boot in your ass.**

I rolled my eyes. I kept my phone in my back pocket and started running again until I was on the department building's front door.

What should I say? I'm sorry? Sorry for kissing you? Sorry for flee after? Sorry for not accepting the incredible urge to kiss you give me when I'm around you? Sorry for...

—What are you doing here? —I heard me behind my back.

When I turned around, I could see Eren, he looked more tired than usual and strangely smaller, he always tried to reach me stretching as much as possible when he was in front of me.

— Eren ... I ... — I babbled, before he interrupted me.

—Go away, Jean— he said trying to pass me, but I stopped him his pace—you'll never have to see me again.

—Look Jaeguer, I...—I said running out of words when I saw his emerald eyes red with tears wanting to leave.

—What do you want? —he said clenching his fists— look Kirschtein, I have no head to argue with you now or ever, and let me enter now.

—Eren—I said straightening up and reaching his shoulder—Listen, I...

—What? —he shouted, no longer containing his tears—are you going to confess now? —He pulled my hand off his shoulder, pushing me away slightly, with a wry smile—are you going to tell me that you felt the same emptiness that I felt the last few years and indeed you enjoyed working with me, discuss and thought everything was as before that you had surpassed everything that happened in high school and...

I took his arm and forced him to have his head against my chest. I embrace him with all the strength I had left, burying my nose in his hair

— Shut up—I said softly, smiling when he got carried away and put his arms around me —you just steal my confession speech, dumbass. Do you hear that? my heart gets so whenever you're near me, whenever we discuss in work, or when by mistake I see you shirtless in the dressing room, you will do that Eren, you make my heart wants to run away from my chest with no destination.

I could feel his breath, calmer in my chest as his fingers circled in my lower back.

—That's why Jaegüer — I continued—don't quit, if you do, I could never get Reiner's boot off my ass.

He looked up from my chest with dried tears on his cheeks and he looked at me confused before smiling

— So? —I said grinning like an idiot —are you going to let in or not?

— I do not know— he said looking around—I don't want the neighbors think I let anyone get in my department.

—Fuck—I said with the same smile when I closed the distance between us and gathered my lips to his.

His hands were on my back of my neck, pulling me towards him stroking the hairs on my neck, we were both desperate to kiss the other. He bit my bottom lip and pulled it, teasing me, and the need to take that smile off with kisses.

After a few minutes of bitten and sore lips, I leaned my forehead against his and we stared at each other's eyes.

—So I said pushing his forehead to look at him—you think Erwin will accept you again after having quitting half an hour ago?

—Oh yeah...— he said smiling, rubbing his nape —I didn't quit.

— What? —I said surprised—but Reiner said...

— Yes— he interrupted—I wanted to, but Erwin refused, he said he would give me the afternoon to reconsider and to speak with me tomorrow.

—So—I think over— Reiner forced me to run for nothing

—Well...— he said letting go and walking to the door of the building, looking me suggestively —I wouldn't say that, we still have eight years to discuss.

I smiled, raising an eyebrow.

I sent the order to my legs to walk, but they ignored it.

— Mmm— he said from the doorway, looking somewhat uncomfortable—something wrong?

—Jaegüer—I said hitting my legs slightly—you think you can carry me?

—What? —he asked, frowning slightly, confused.

—I ran here from, practically, the college to see you— I said between laughs and total seriousness—I don't think I could use my legs for a while now.

— There's no way I'm carrying you through the stairs, Kirschtein —he said approaching me, putting my arm over his shoulder—Come on.

Every step was like glass buried in my thighs. I didn't run so much for ages, not even the night I fled of Eren's apartment.

_I need to work out._

I looked to my left side, where Eren put a funny face making a great effort to lift me up.

— W-What? —he asked with a blush when he realized I was looking at him.

— Nothing— I smiled, making the 'o' sound longer, looking back toward the front.

In Eren's apartment, I headed straight to the couch to give my legs a rest. When he closed the door behind him and turned on the kettle, he looked at me from the kitchen and walked slowly to me, without losing contact with my eyes until he was in front of me, our legs touching.

—So—I said raising an eyebrow as I leaned on my arms, smiling mischievously—eight years, eh?

* * *

The sound of boiling water brought us back to reality. I got up from the couch lazily.

Jean seemed a little recovered, because he followed me into the kitchen.

—Do you think Erwin forgive you for missing your shift? —I asked, with a smile, handing him two mugs— Tea, coffee or chocolate?

—Reiner said Bert —said, taking the cup so I could pour the water—surprise me—he winked.

I raised an eyebrow, unable to delete my smiling face. He left the mugs aside as I reached the jar that was on the shelf.

Suddenly, I felt his arms around my waist. Pulling me back to a till I was sitting above the inn. I looked at him in surprise, but had no time to react before one of his hands to land on my mouth, cutting all my possibilities for replication.

I smiled, waving his hand to run his fingers through my lips, slowly. I blushed slightly at the gesture so intimate.

—You blushed for something like that? —he sneered I can't imagine what it will be when we do...

This time I put my hand on his mouth.

—You're an idiot, you know?

—The biggest one—he said, dangerously close to my ear— that's why you love me, right?

This time the blush spread across my face.

—Nobody said anything about...

I stifled a groan when I felt one of his hands rested on one of my thighs.

—Any other complaints? He asked, licking his lips.

I just stayed silent, staring into his eyes honey look.

—That's what I thought —he whispered, closing the distance between our lips, finally.

He kissed me like the first time, as if he wanted all of me. This time there was no chocolate flavor was just Jean and me, without fearing anything.

I bit his lower lip with a smile.

—You're pretty good at this, Jaegüer.

— Yeah? —I asked, putting my hands on his neck to approach him more— Would you like us to check how it goes in the bedroom?

The smile he gave me made, made me understand he liked the idea.

— Who would ever knew you were a pervert—he said when I got up from the inn

—Not as much as you— I replied, closing the distance between their lips and mine.

Really, he was an idiot, one-of-a-kind-idiot. But I loved him. I've loved him all my life.

—Are you coming? — He asked, pulling out his hand from the door of my room.

I took his hand, smiling.

—I'm coming

**Author's Note:**

> /-\ you expect a *sexy* ending? HA! that's never going to happen here, I'm (not) sorry.
> 
> Well, you liked it? Do you? DO YOU? I know you do. Let me know anyway leaving a cute or gross coment or/and an always beloved kudo on this story and...and...that's it.
> 
> I hope that the project I'm working...works and with the lucky of my side, I'll see you soon, BYE.


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